Jumping Back into the Dating Pool

I’ve put my personal life on the back burner as I’ve adjusted to teaching. It’s time for me to try jumping back into the dating pool, but, really, I need a push.

Motivation is a big key for me – I don’t particularly enjoy dating. Well, actual dates are generally okay, but the process to get there is stressful. So I have to find the motivation to risk putting myself out there.

I’ve gone to quite a few singles events with a church. Those haven’t gone great. There generally aren’t guys that are remotely close to my age, which is frustrating. And when they are close to my age, the conversations go like this:

Him, “So what do you like to do?  Knit?”

Me (confused), “No, I don’t know how to knit. I can sew. What do you like to do?”

Some sort of standard response from him such as read, be outdoors, etc.

I think I’d have more respect for a guy if it went more like this:

Him, “I think you’re cute, but I’m really into following gender stereotypes. You cook and clean, I’ll do the yard work. Does that interest you?”

Alright, if I’m honest, at this point, I get up and move far away from him. Muttering some sort of excuse.

A few months ago, I went to a singles’ lunch with my church. I like meeting new people, making friends, and, to be honest, maybe meeting a guy (though I have never actually dated a guy I met through church, there could be a first time, right?). I was one of the first to arrive, and the discussion was one of those hot button conservative issues. The Target Bathroom Issue. I decided to just keep my mouth shut, because I was there to make friends!  Being one of the youngest women there, and because I’m so cute, I was getting quite a bit of attention from the men. I was feeling pretty good about myself.

And then one of these men asked me, “So what do you think about this Target Bathroom issue?”

Since he asked me point-blank, I felt like I had to respond. “I don’t think it’s a big deal”, I said,

You know all those men who seemed interested in me? I could feel their interest deflate.

Anyway, the guy who asked the question was shocked, and the gist of his response was, “Aren’t you worried about the men who will dress like women just so they can sexually assault women in the women’s restroom?”

“No, women ALWAYS have to be on their guard! And often times, you wouldn’t even know it was a man!”

I can’t remember his response, other than the absolute shock that it doesn’t bother me. Others, of course joined in to tell me how they disagreed with my view. They were all convinced that they would know it was a man dressed as a woman.

Our conversation finally ended when I told them about working with a kid who had gender identity issues and how it was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.

Nope, none of them asked for my number after that conversation.  And, yes, I have gone back to the group, but I have not seen any of these particular men. That said, it’s pretty clear they aren’t for me, and that’s okay.

As with any debate, I thought of some great things I wish I had said. I’m going to share them with you, because it makes me feel better.

“Do you realize that almost all transgender people are physically and/or sexually assaulted?” That it’s less likely to happen if they use the restroom that matches their gender identity?”

               “To be honest with you, transgender people do make me uncomfortable. But, that doesn’t mean I should ostracize them.”

               And my personal favorite, which God gave me when I was praying over this situation, “As disgusted as you are by transgender people, do you realize God is just as disgusted with your sin?”



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